Today

(credit: fabrizio-infrared)

It's a year today. Im still making terribly painful choices in every effort not to turn back. Choices, choices, choices. That's all it is. I'm so tired; my mind is always racing. Think of how many people we know, and how many of them don't know the half of us.

Doubt

(photo credits: fives)

I think I'm done with the winter. It's really been wearing me down lately. The other day I was talking to a friend and I mentioned feeling insignificant. He tried to assure me that I wasn't, but I was too set in my self-deprecating ways to hear him. I'm not, I know this. As with everything in life, there will always be things ahead of us and trailing behind us. There are things less significant; there are plenty of things more significant, and that should be just fine. It's part of the bigger picture, the grand scheme of things.

I tried believing there wasn't a meaning behind it all but it felt like I was lying to myself. I'm choosing bliss, even if it's in ignorance.

With Grace

and all I kept thinking was will anyone else ever love me like that again?

So, it should go without saying that I am hopelessly addicted to Starbucks coffee. They're little 'The Way I See It' stories are a lot of fun. I read this one the other day and it got me thinking:

"The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating in work, in play, in love. The act that frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life."

Is that what I'm falling to? Am I letting the barrier win? I ration that I'm still young enough to make mistakes. It'd be wiser to make them now then later. My mother told me recently that, in her valued opinion, the magic number is 24. By the time someone reaches that age, they will basically know what they want and what they need. Before then, it would be foolish to hold steadfast to any standard or ideal, for it will likely crumble. She's right in a lot of ways, I'm sure. The sort of adversities that are promised at young adulthood supply unbelievably heavy burdens to bare. Anything in its path is threatened. If I have love now, I will wait until after the storm has passed. That's what makes sense to me now.

Just Fine

Sometimes I worry; I worry about anything and everything. Aimlessly, it seems, because I don't usually get anywhere. I tell myself it's okay, somehow life always has a way of working itself out. Then I realize I only say that to calm myself down.

Welcome to Heartbreak

I think I love Kanye West, but only for his loyalties to Kid Cudi.

On and Off

(photo credits: postsecret )

A lot of people around me are getting in and out of relationships with their exes. I've always hated the back and forth of on and off relationships. It seems so avoidable, so childish. I have an amazing ex-boyfriend. I'm torn when I think of him, all the time. We've been broken up for 3 months now, going on 4. That's such a short time; That's such a long time. Our relationship has its own back and forths, it's a roller coaster of emotions. I know we had an alright relationship, a big part of me believes if we tried again it truly would be better. Yet something still holds me back. Why does it seem that everyone else can't resist? Why am I capable? Is it a flaw or a blessing? I truly wish I understood.

If I Know You

What a song, what a song. If I could narrow the myriad of thoughts jumbling in my mind into a defining theme, it'd be something like "I am part of all I have known". That's this song: all I have known.